Renewal

Hi there.  Happy First-Day-of-School (aka - National Margaritas-for-Mommy Day)!  Thought I'd up and died, didn't ya?  Sorry about that little interruption.  I have an excuse, nay, a reason for my prolonged absence.  I think I'll explain in photos:

Adorable, aren't they?

But here's the catch:  They require feeding.  And bathing.  And exercise.  And training.  And playtime.  And braces (well, not the furry one).  Yes, folks, it's happened again.  I am regretfully announcing that I, like so many moms out there, have contracted MBS.  Mommy Burnout Syndrome.  Symptoms of MBS include:  generalized irritability taking place between June and September, a variety of unusual ticks, like fist clenching and teeth grinding, a tendency to say random things like, "Cereal for dinner!" and "Put down the booger!" as well as an overwhelming urge to mix your morning o.j. with the wine cooler you've had in the back of the frig since 2003. 

The good news?  There's a cure:  SCHOOL. 

By the time school rolls around every fall, I am ready.  Ready to issue commands a go-go from 5:45 a.m. through 7:30 a.m.  Ready to cut crusts, write notes, tie shoes and begin the daily interrogations:  Did you finish your homework?  Did you bring your lunch?  Wait, didn't you wear that underwear yesterday???  (The answer to that last one is frequently horrifying.) 

But, the routine is all worth it.  The routine guarantees that at exactly 7:52, as I pull away from the drop-off circle, I will actually get to hear for the first time in three months, "I'm Steve Inskeep/I'm Renee Montagne and you are listening to Morning Edition on NPR..."  What joy!  Oh bliss!  Could it be?  Freedom.  

But, then, the guilt rolls in.  Guilt for feeling that way about the offspring I so wanted and adore ridiculously.  I may not feel enough guilt to actually bring the car to a complete STOP before dropping them at the school curb, but it's enough to start me wishing it was still summer.  That I was only allowed to listen to Weird Al Yankovic and the Imagination Movers in the car.  That every day began with me, bleary-eyed and needing caffeine, being jumped upon by two happy ding-dongs, whose very first question is ALWAYS, "Mommmmm, can we puh-leeeeeeez play the Wii?" 

Both MBS and cycles of mommy guilt are not good for us.  These conditions will make the woman in your life say things like, "Of course the coffee was made just this morning!  How could you think I'd give you two-day-old, reheated coffee?"  (It's really three days old.)  Or, "No, honey, it's not you, it's just that the smell of peanut butter on the bed sheets is killing the mood".

So, this academic year, I have vowed not to succumb to the guilt, nor the burnout.  I will be cool as a cucumber, in complete control when I need to be, and entirely flexible the rest of the time.  I WILL achieve a state of Graceful Motherhood.  And if you buy that, I've got a napkin filled with last night's broccoli to sell you.

After exactly 87 days spent with my two young ones and their new, sharp-toothed, pee-filled, furry friend, I have determined that the only way to ever achieve Motherly Nirvana is to have the time to figure out how to do it better.  How to take care of them without losing sight of myself...who, I believe, is currently treading water somewhere in the middle of the Aegean Sea.  Hold on to your seats, boys!  Daddy's makin' din-din.  Mommy is going on a RETREAT. 

That's right, guys.  Mama's retreating, both literally and figuratively.  Where?  No clue.  When?  Soon, I hope.  Why?  Because even Supermom needs to read an entire issue of People Magazine, cover-to-cover, without interruption.  More importantly, kiddos, because Mom needs to get her bearings again.  To show you what she can do and who she is, aside from being the World's Greatest Mother EVER.  I'm going away for a couple of days so that when I return, it won't matter whether it's September or July...either way, it will be me, your Mom, refreshed, renewed and ready to knock your socks off.  Which will be necessary, as you will, no doubt, have been wearing the same socks every day since my departure. 

Happy School Year!